I have been chilling a lot, happens when you have someone else being responsible and worrying about the bills. It’s not my wish to be this chill but I don’t have a choice, to be honest. I’ve been home for six weeks now courtesy of the lecturer’s strike.
Social media got me during this chill time because I have ruined all my relationships and no one talks to me anymore except for a few friends who check up on me often..
Okay, enough about me this post was meant for something else, RAPE culture.
It’s been trending for a while now, the Facebook post I did on rape culture is almost one year old but we are still on this topic, why? Because we have different views om the matter with everyone trying to defend what they think is right.
The facebook post
So the whole thing about rape culture has been trending and certain issues coming up prompted me to comment. If you read my article Noisy Silence then you know my stand on defilement, assault and any kind of sexual and gender-based violence. I will specifically talk about my take on club and after club ‘romance’
Ntaanza na boy child, if you are buying them fine ghels a drink so that you hit it later let the girl child understand clearly what your intentions are also it will be better if she’s sober and does not feel pressured in any way to say yes to your request/demands. The celebratory sessions morning after escapades of ooh nilifunga so and so is also super degrading to yourself, your boys and the victim you chipod. Avoid carrying home a woman who is drunk ata kama amekunywa guarana moja to fulfill your carnal desires if the mama you want to take home has taken ata 1 spoonful of wine be a gentleman and see to it that she gets home safely. If you decide to go home with her to ensure her safety don’t turn predator! Unless a gun was held to your head don’t buy drinks if it will make you lose your dignity by forcefully paying yourself through sex
Aiya girl child nyinyi ata sijui ntaanzia wapi
Don’t wake up from your house, dress to kill/slay then confidently enter a club sit pretty and wait for the drinks to flow you see these men are not your brothers and lets be honest we know very well what they want in return and if you didn’t know I’m sure you are now aware after the series of tweets and posts on Facebook where the men have spoken out. Alafu ni mara ngapi tutawaambia don’t go drinking alone tafadhali we all know that alcohol kinda incapacitates the part of your brain responsible for sound judgment go with a friend or at least let your friends and family know where you are.
Dear sisters usiende kuita mwanaume babe kwa club ukimpapasa kifua juu you want drinks or sheesha it’s not worth it trust me he will molest you and shamelessly say you led him on.
Don’t trust easily, don’t drink too much and always carry money with you.
All that said I still don’t understand how sex became a commodity for barter trade, you buy drinks you get sex in return smh
While enjoying it pia remember it’s main purpose which is REPRODUCTION so if your drunken sex escapades results in a pregnancy don’t blame the alcohol
I know what I think, I know my stand in the whole thing heck, I know what I want to be done for the perpetrators and victims as well. Problem is it is not about what I think anymore, my worry reverts back to the kind of information people have about rape.
It is true that as a nation we have failed terribly albeit entirely. In my village this rape thing is handled different, almost half the village macho men who thought to rape girls and old women made them heroes and tough are in prison for no less than 14years which is a good thing right?
So I asked myself why then is it so hard for persons, especially teenagers in urban areas to get the same type of fair hearing like my village mates? Thing is as much as we want to hide under the umbrella of fairness, rule of law, women empowerment and feminism we always forget to note that we are judgy humans.
We judge silently, sometimes openly. We have powerful weapons called hearsay and screenshots. It’s a thing to use this against victims of sexual and gender-based violence if it’s a good church going girl she doesn’t deserve rape while on the other hand party girls deserve it
We fall short as humans and as much as we normalize pre-marital sex and having multiple sexual partners in public chini ya maji we hate. We look down on girls who are sexually active and are open about it and glorify the boys.
That said, trying to poke holes into the victims story is wrong in all dimensions but it will always happen, truth is no one has a perfect rape story because there’s nothing worth writing about on rape, in itself, details may be omitted, timelines may not add up for you but it’s not in your place as a person who has never gone through rape to sit on a high horse and question.
Social media is making us heartless, it’s enabling us to hide behind the keyboard with our pseudo accounts and question rape victims. It’s not right you might have your doubts, reasonable doubts and a right to air them. What you don’t have is the right to conclude what you think happened and pick a side.
Some might argue that it’s not the victim’s place to be assaulted regardless of the situation but also be careful always don’t put yourself in a situation where someone is likely to rape you then hope that somehow they have a conscience.
We want so much to believe that we can all be good people but this is not happening anytime soon. We want to place our faith in justice, the truth is even justice and the law will fail you. It’s a man eat man society and you only got yourself.
It is time we go back to the drawing board on matters Sexual and Gender Based Violence(SGBV.) Creating awareness is the first step, creating a safe environment for victims free from discrimination and stigmatization is also intricate. It will give victims the courage to come out and report perpetrators.
I will have to do several posts on this topic to exhaustively express my subjective opinion, it will take a while but I will talk about it eventually.
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